when the game ended

yesterday night my friend, Natalia Amanda Dewi Setiawan just died.

she was stabbed in the stomach, until her intestines were reportedly messed up, as she was walking home late from school because of a detention. the stabber, at first, just wanted to snatch (blackmail) her blackberry out of her hand, but not liking the notion of going down without a fight, she fought the injustice and tried to defend herself and her possession. little did she know, the guy had sharps right in the ready.

i didn't know it was her. okay, i heard the news in the morning, but thought t was just a random person from the neighbouring school. and as always, during class when i checked twitter and facebook, i realised something is really wrong. it is her 16th today (only 1 day after the unfortunate incident), and instead of good old happy birthday, everybody was saying rest in peace. WHUAT?! i was so shocked that i literally shivered. i know this person. she's a friend. someone i had jokes with, shared laughter with, hung out with. a real person.....

did she have regrets? what are her final wishes? her last thoughts?

i know i wasn't necessarily that close to manda, but still it really struck me. someone from our own circle? someone i knew as a person?! now really is gone, just like that. i just checked her facebook and gosh, weren't there so many good wishes and notes of endearment. i was literally struck. yes indeed, it was most unfortunate, but who would have thought? that much money? an only child? a day before her 16th? still crushing on her pop classmate? pining for the old boyfriend? gosh who would have thought.

i felt grossed out really, by people who only give a damn after she's left. please. people who actually showed how much they 'care' when they care NOT? gosh. i'm sorry and that's it. 'lets leave it there and don't give anymore damns?' DO NOT PRETEND THAT YOU CARE. much better if you just say nothing and well, that's it. no more. some people ARE really grieving, and don't tarnish it with your fake wishes. i am not in the place to say anything, but please, at least respect the dead?

i shed tears. i imagined it being my own best friend. so far away from here. and aren't we all prone to these kinds of disasters? gosh. if my best friend was the one being stabbed in the gut, and i can't do anything but watch her coffin being put down in the ground.... i shed tears. what can i do?! i know Manda's best friend, god knows she's one of my own good friend, and yet i couldn't help but grieve alongside her. a tragedy.

money really can't guarantee you'll have all of life's basic essentials. security, warmth. you don't know when the journey will end, when the game ends.